Having just got paid I headed toward Texas street, money in my pocket, thirsty for beer, and on the prowl for adventure. The first thing I did was buy a can of Hite stout, you know, the Korean dark beer that has that Irish, well, that Irish, well, okay, there is nothing Irish about it, except it kinda looks like Guiness on a dark night after you have already drunk about a dozen of them............So anyways the first thing I noticed was a group of American sailors all dressed in white. One of the guys was really excited; he ran to his friends waiting outside of some dark alley, and excitedly motioned for them to follow him. "Alright!" one of them said as they eagerly followed. I had to follow them as well! Now I have been to back streets in Mexico City, Bangkok; my mind was filling with thoughts of dark places; what could this dark alley possible hold to make those sailors so excited? After winding through the narrow walls I found out. It was white, it lit up the dark alley, it was a........... well, it was just an old urinal. My mind quickly got out of the gutter and I found myself back on the main drag.

I walked past a small shop with a pretty Philippina girl outside. "Phone cards!" she called out as I passed by. Wow! What excitement! That is what I wanted, a phone card? I turned around and looked at her. The shop was empty. She looked discouraged. I gave her a piece of advice. "You should get a monkey" I said. She looked surprised. "Why"? I walked closer to her table. "Because, if you said "do you want to see a monkey?" then that would attract business! Think of all the other phone card sales people. They don't have monkeys! And when the men come inside to see the monkey you could ask them if they wanted to buy a phone card, to call their mothers and sisters and girlfriends in Russia to tell them about the wonderful little monkey!" She didn't smile. "The owner would not allow a monkey inside" she insisted. I moved on. I was beginning to get bored. I spotted some teachers that I worked with; I had to avoid them; I had forgotten to read up on Ukaranian Poets so I would have felt out of place...........again. I sneaked past them and turned the corner.

Then I saw her! There she stood in the half lighted little shop. At first she thought I was Russian; she said something and I turned around. Then she spoke in English. "Where you come from?" At first I was going to make something up, you know, at least have a little fun, but then I remembered how the monkey joke flopped and told her the truth. "I am from Colorado!" She smiled. Do you want to buy some pants?" Now she really got down to business fast! No small talk about John Elway, no questions about how long Davis will stay, no singing ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH .........  COLORADO.........., This woman was on a mission. She was out to sell me some black pants. Now I do have pants. In fact I have three pairs, well actually four but one of them says GUSSE JEANS on the back, kind of humiliating to wear around other teachers............but anyways I really didn't need any pants. I wanted to leave but she was already pulling a pair off the rack. "Here, your size extra large" she held them up to me. Now I usually don't like the color black. I usually don't like nylon. But there was something about these pants that made my heart dance. Maybe I was thinking about how many girls the solid gold dancers used to get wearing similar pants! Maybe it was her hand touching my leg. There was something in the air that made me reach into my pocket and give her 10,000 won, some dark force or perhaps guardian angel that knew that I needed those pants!! That night changed my life forever!

Now the first magic I noticed was about a week later when I was late for school. I had been drinking the night before and my tan dockers were all wrinkled and dirty. I quickly tried to wash the red kimchi stains that somehow managed to get on my back pocket (I don't want to think about what could have happened). It was useless! These stains were not coming out! I was desperate! I ran around the room, all of my clothes were dirty! Suddenly I remembered the black pants! I went to my closet and dug through the old pizza boxes, the piles of bills, the stacks of ungraded papers. I found the bag, it was on the bottom of the pile. I picked it up and slowly pulled the pants out. They magically unfolded and I could not believe my eyes! No wrinkles! Yes! It was a miracle. In fact it was going to change my life! I put them on, a perfect fit. I ran out the door. As I walked down the street I felt like John Travolta walking in Brooklyn. In fact I started humming the theme to Satarday Night Fever as I strutted down the street. I was cool! I could feel all eyes on me, well, I guess that is not so unusual here.............but I felt different. I walked into my class and I looked cool! I felt cool! I felt clean and new. Like a virgin! Virgin pants! The whole day was going great. At lunch I ran to the duk bolki tent. I usually eat there when I have a short break. Duk bolki is this well, some kind of...well, I really don't know what it is, but it is tube shaped and some pieces are long and rectangular, and they are all being cooked in this bright red sauce, and they are really cheap, in fact you can sneak and eat them really fast and then tell the old woman you only ate three and give her 600 won. Well that is when something wonderful happened. The old lady at the tent was starting to wash some old pots. I started cramming the little things in my mouth as she scrubbed away. All of the sudden one of them dripping with red sauce fell right on the side of my pants! I grabbed some napkins...........(yeah, right,) I mean some toilet paper and frantically started cleaning. Almost at once my pants were CLEAN! I am not kidding! In fact you could not even tell that the accident had happened! I was stunned! 

But that is just the beginning of my tale, for me and my magic pants were to  have adventures that only knights could dream of! (part 2) .....

coloradogrizzlybear@hotmail.com